Are your Co-Workers Annoyed Yet? Part 3 by Jessica Hodges
I hope your coworkers are on the verge of saying things they don’t mean to your face. Or at least you’ve been entertained by our ideas. If they aren’t annoyed, keep going! Don’t give up! I have a feeling that a lot people work or go to school in an environment that only stays interesting if you play pranks on people ( like Jim always doing great stuff in The Office.)
1. Bathe Yourself in Cologne/ Perfume
I couldn’t help but think of Brian Fontana on Anchorman Anchorman:What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight. Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good… It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way…They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time. So who are these people that really think it works? You. Hose yourself down with cologne (even if your a girl!) Maybe even mix some together.
2. Start every sentence with FYI
FYI is useful to get a short, quick message across. But don’t use it in the useful way. “FYI I have to go to the bathroom.” “FYI my shoes are too small for my feet” “FYI I really don’t like that guy in accounting” “FYI My inbox is so full of emails.”
3. The Closetalker
What a famous Seinfeld episode in my mind. This has to be done carefully so it is not obvious what you are trying to do. Start subtly. When someone starts to tell you a story, walk up to them and stand just a little too close. Make sure you look genuinely interested to hear what they have to say and that you are not aware how close you are standing to them. If they are telling you a funny story, start laughing and lean towards them, make it even more awkward.
4. WE finished the project. This one really gets people. Say your boss comes over and asks you if you finished a particular project. But you didn’t actually work on that particular project. The guy next to you did. That’s ok! Say yes “WE finished the project.” Be tactful in this. You may not want to claim work that sucks.
5. “He’s the one” wait “He’s a jerk!” Everyone has friends like this. Up and down every 5 seconds. This guy is so great! This guy is a jerk! Complain lots and lots about your dating life. Read romantic texts and emails aloud and ask for advice when writing some guy or girl off. Tears and words like OMG I thought he was my bff are essential.
6. Clomp Around
Obviously you wont’ wear these shoes but you can imitate the sounds. Clomp clomp clomp with your heels. Clomp Clomp Clomp in your dress shoes. If the clomping seems like too much, drag your feet. (I think I unintentionally did that as a kid and always had holes in the soles of my shoes because of it)
7.”Hope I will not take too much of your time..”
From one of our readers! “The best way is to move directly to your coworkers when they are very busy and ask: “Hope, I will not take too much of your time”. Be sure – their work style is destroyed at least on 30 minutes…”
8. OMG! It’s the CEO! It’s a Celebrity!!
I love this one. Especially if you have a job where you work around important people. Whenever someone legit is coming into the office, freak out. Run to the bathroom to fix your hair. If you’re a girl, just put on lipstick, make it look like you are trying. If the “celebrity” or your ceo come into your department try to compliment them a lot and follow them awkwardly. Your co-workers will think you are ridiculous.
Use this in emails. All the time. “I’ve been working on a project…….but i’m kind of busy today.” “I really like this ad campaign…but Nike already used it.” You get the point. It is so junior high.
10. Use the word persnickety.
From another friend. I’ve never known anyone to use this word but I would definitely be annoyed. Figure out the most obnoxious way to use it.
Miss our other ideas?
Drive Your Co-Workers Crazy: Part 2
Top Ten Ways To Drive Your Co-Workers Crazy
Tell us what you do in the comments below!