Jun 18 2008
There’s an easy formula for becoming a slacker: Do nothing. Go get more coffee. Repeat. However, what is the key to staying a true slacker at heart, but keep your job, and be raved about like a corporate messiah? “It’s all about appearances”, said Dilbert creator Scott Adams, who listed low-cost ways to achieve high impact genius-dom at work.
- Complain that you’re totally swamped at every opportunity. Use phrases like “am neck deep in turbulence” and “jumping from one fire to another” to make your job sound all shades of sexiness and dangerousness.
- Carry a piece of paper wherever you go. Also give yourself the necessary urgent facial expression and body language, imagine it’s something incredibly important, like a stay of execution from the governor.
- Never clean your cubicle. After all, how else are you suppose to show the real sweat and grit of your efforts at work?
- Emailing looks like work. Emailing is work, so email friends and family often.
- If you feel like talking instead of working, talk to your boss. That counts as work no matter what you’re chatting about. The ideal topic of conversation is how poorly all of your coworkers are performing.
- If you wear glasses, leave an old pair on the desk as though you will be right back. Then go home.
- Leave voice mails for coworkers at 1:00 am, even if you’re getting up just to take a whiz. If you really want to inspire awe, leave a message for your boss with your thoughts on the company’s outdated filing system at 11:30 pm on New Year’s Eve.
- Be sure to get involved in unquantifiable projects. You want to be doing a lot of consulting and advising and attending. Avoid anything with a hard and fast deadline. Try to answer questions with another question. And use vague yet foreboding words like somewhere, somehow, might possibly, indefinitely etc.
Now you have learned the art of slacking at work, do go out and try it at work and keep us posted about the results!
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19 Responses to “8 ways to go from slacker to genius at work”
Hahahha, these are some really good tips!
By Alex D on Jun 18, 2008
I might start using some of these suggestions.
By Recruitment Process Outsourcing on Jun 20, 2008
or you could work
By James Williams on Jun 22, 2008
Hehe, these are great, but doing #7 too often might be crossing the line from genius to freak!
By Ben on Jun 23, 2008
” or you could work”
I do work!!! But there are days when I am seriously burned out.
my personal favorite is #3, so effortless.
By memeangel18 on Jun 23, 2008
wow. those are serious tips. your not messing around haha
By RPO on Jun 25, 2008
Or you could work someplace else instead of a boring office.
By Captain-Varro on Jun 25, 2008
DIRECTED AT> Recruitment Process Outsourcing
“or you could work”
I rarely post comments, but you sir are the biggest moron of ‘08. You read the article, then take time out of your day to make a comment. Why don’t you get to work.
What? You are at home when you commented? Is that what you’re gunna say. Well, I say lame. Everyone does a little slacking. Pushing 100%, 100% of the time is B.S. Even horses need rest. So “Recruitment Process Outsourcing” (I BET U WERE AT WORK WHEN DOING THIS ANYWAY- look at ur stoopid name) plz die. Eat some chlorox or walk into traffic. thanx
By john b on Jul 14, 2008
Stupid advices for stupid people. If you don’t want to work where you work - change your work. It is as simple as that. Wherever there is shit in this world, it is because of lazy people like you.
If you seriously think that “it’s all about appearances” I really advice you to rethink your values. Please.
By Slingy on Jul 26, 2008
@John b
I find this funny, especially as I did this kind of thing while temping in an office last year. I sent emails all day to friends and wandered around the office pretending to look for someone/something when really just having a stroll. Kudos mate.
By Caoimhe on Aug 3, 2008
Oh bloody hell I didn’t realise that the names were underneath. The above comment was directed at slingy. Although John b’s grammar is horrendous enough to warrant a comment.
By Caoimhe on Aug 3, 2008
yes it is about appearance most the time. i’m an intelligent person with not much to do, but i’m still needed.
carrying around papers to look busy keeps everyone happy
By jas on Aug 4, 2008
Haha, looks like a lot of people didn’t get that this is satire. It’s just a funny list. Maybe you workhorses do need a little more slacking in your life.
By slacker on Aug 7, 2008
Hah. Sometimes reading the comments is more entertaining than reading the post.
By marth on Aug 17, 2008
This is GREAT!
I bust my a$$ and take up slack EVERY DAY and get absolutely no payback for my efforts. (I take care of the end product) Doing your job has very little to do with promotion or raises. It is the perception of your management as to who is doing the work.
I believe this could have been written by some people @ my job. These are the people my douc…. er…boss listens to.
SO TRUE.
By BEY on Aug 19, 2008
Wow, very informative read. Thank you for posting this.
I just came from this site too, might be something to check out. Has to do with a lot of RPO/BPO stuff.
Hit the link!
By Joe on Sep 5, 2008
These are great tips. It will deff make you look way busier then you are.
By Pregnancy on Oct 7, 2008
never cleaning off the cubicle is the best one on this list. i have been doing that since i started
By chicken recipes on Oct 7, 2008